We live in an age of extreme liberation where sex is tumbling out of crowded closets in every strata of society. Porn has openly hit the dusty lanes and bylanes of India. After hearing of multi-partners and wife swapping, the new flavour of the season is ‘my wife’s boyfriend’. This is a syndrome where the husbands are broad-minded enough to accept their wives’ boyfriends. For many years, the issue of extramarital affairs was assumed to be a “women’s issue”— that is, women dealing with their husbands’ affairs. While a large numbers of husbands still have affairs, there has been a significant increase in the number of wives having affairs.

With the work place and the Internet, overscheduled lives and inattentive husbands, it’s no wonder more Indian women are looking for comfort in the arms of another man. Advertising guru Prahlad Kakkar says, “Women interact with men more at work. They take more business trips and presumably participate more in flirtatious water-cooler chatter. There is a more subtle point embedded in here as well: Women and men bring their best selves to work, leaving their bad behaviour and marital resentment at home along with their sweat pants. These light or intensive flirtations gives them self-esteem boost during the work hours and don’t rock the boat at home.”

Many women, despite being married are openly flaunting their boyfriends at parties. “With husbands having high profile careers with cool seven-figure salaries, they tend to neglect their better halves. Caught up in a hectic schedule, there is little time for sex which has now been replaced by other priorities,” says Sudeshna Lahari, a socialite from Vizag who adds, “Neglected housewives have extramarital affairs to feel alive.” Many women find the thought of having sex with other people exciting. As a result, looking for love in the arms of another man acts as a catalyst for enhancing their own sex lives.

“My husband and I agreed years ago that we would have an ‘open relationship’. We would see other people and no questions will to be asked,” says Diksha Shah, a homemaker. When the magic of love vanishes and reality takes over, then infidelity steps in. “From understanding lovers, we become demanding, resentful, judgmental individuals wondering why our partners no longer want what we want, feel what we feel and react exactly as we do. And then comes the thought with some people that maybe another man might have understood us better,” says actress Nandita Das.

Priyanka Roy, a financial consultant with a multi-national company in Kolkata says that for the last one year she is having quite a steamy office affair with her co-worker. “This affair has changed my life for the better. I had an arranged marriage and after the initial euphoria problems cropped up which created a gulf between us. In spite of living together under the same roof because our parents would not hear of a divorce, we are like absolute strangers. He is also having an affair with his college mate and is aware of my affair too. But it is okay with us.”
Television personality Mandira Bedi says, “If I see a woman with having dinner or going for a party some other man and I know that he is her friend I will definitely not raise an eyebrow. The same goes for my husband who allows me to go out with people whom he knows. But he is very particular about the person I am going out with.”
Psychologist Dr Suhasini Dixit says, “In an age where women too are working and have joint financial dealings with their husbands, most couples feel that it is  impractical to go through the long process of divorce.”

 Over the years there is a sea of change in the relationship between a couple. People these days look more for financial security. “The love and care is definitely there, but passion dies away with years. From having sex once a week, they have sex once a month or may not even for months together. There is very little time that husbands and wives today spend  together,” says socialite, Chaya Momaya. But Chaaya is strongly against this kind of relationship. “I personally can’t even think about going out with a man other than my husband for dinner because that might lead to anything. According to me a man and a woman cannot have a platonic relationship.” In today’s society people generally have marriages of convenience. According to Dr Dixit, “This condition of wives having an affair arises in many marriages today because there is very little communication. For most women, an inattentive husband is the biggest problem. A woman wants to feel desirable.”

QHow does one deal with acquaintances or colleagues who carry tales back and forth and create needless mischief. Ignoring them doesn't work for they feel emboldened to continue with their games. Does it help to confront these people and get assertive or is there any other way of dealing with the situation?

Dr Lata Hemachand, Therapist, Bengaluru

One way of dealing with it is if you can get the person to whom they carry the tales on your side and confront them in their presence, it might shake them out of their habit since they have lost face. The other way is get behind these games and see the real motive of such acts. Is it because they want to draw attention to themselves? Or is it their jealousy getting better of them? Or are they trying to be interesting conversationalists? Depending on what you conclude about their motive which in essence is stemming from their inferiority complex you will have to plan your strategy.

Page 3’s hot new faces

Dr Raghuram should be awarded the title of ‘Page 3 face of year, 2008’. After moving back to Hyderabad from England he went about befriending the FICCI ladies, Sec’bad Club members, businessmen... and now knows everyone.

He is present at every largish do, thus expanding his social network. Because of his profession, women go out of their way to befriend him. And unlike many newbies who only want to attend parties Raghuram also hosts many dos. On the 24th he is getting Boney M to perform. He recently had a party with a fashion show et al.

Our P3Ps love attending every party in town, so they will include him in their gatherings too, so that doc reciprocates. And so the doctor is everywhere.

This is the year of breakups. Marriages, family bonds have all gone for a toss. The Sanghis, who till recently took great pride in saying ‘hum saath saath hain’ have dragged their fight on to the streets. This proves no relationship is permanent. It’s only money that matters. Even in divorce settlements, the victimised party is demanding a fat share to sort the differences out amicably. And those who are not paying up are being maligned.

Srikala Reddy, arguably the most enterprising lady in town is now showing Hyderabadis how to pamper themselves in style. Her new spa Blanc is the place to be hanging out on Sundays, once it opens its doors to the public.

The coolest part about this place is it feels like you are in Touch. You can wait by the bar if you are early! DJ Yogi will provide the music, food can be ordered from Touch or even Little Italy that’s close by.
The equipment too is top of the line. Trust Srikala to send shivers down every other beauty parlour owner’s spine.

Chandrababu Naidu better be warned. The manner in which Balakrishna is trying to assert himself in TDP, there may come a day, rather soon, when he will want to replace Naidu as the chief. Already there is talk among those close to the NTR family that “TDP was founded by NTR, Naidu overthrew him and usurped power. Like they say history repeats itself, Balakrishna might do a Naidu on him.”

What goes around comes around, so Chandrababu Naidu better play his cards right and keep the NTR clan at a mile’s distance before they throw him out.

Another son-in-law who has proved to be an ustad is Sirish Bharadwaj. Apparently, he sent feelers to the Congress camp saying he and wife Srija were willing to join the party and campaign for it. Sirish had planned a big party for his first wedding anniversary and he invited quite a few Congress party bigwigs. But none of them wanted to attend it as they didn’t want to get caught in Sirish’s maneuvering.

And the next they heard was Sirish and Srija’s statement in Vizag where the couple said they would most certainly work for Chiranjeevi’s victory!

Chandra from Ella Suites is the hottest PR around in town. She has been in the restaurant field for a long time and has worked for the Zafraan restaurant group before joining Ella. Now a regular face at the party circuit, turning heads with her stylish outfits, Chandra has the knack of marketing her clients, disguised in conversation, without anyone even realising it.
No wonder she is so much in demand.

Do give your consent

QI  am a retired IAF officer with four sons and one daughter. My youngest son  has fallen in love with a girl from another caste. Despite my reservations, I agreed. However, the girl seemed hesitant to broach the subject with her parents. So I decided to meet her family. They  matched horoscopes and said they will take this forward in the first week of December.  I would like to resolve this problem amicably so that the youngsters can marry each other. Please advice.  

Hello,

I  must congratulate you for being such a supportive father. Despite your reservations, you have supported your son. I’m sure he appreciates the effort that you have put in so far. However, if the girl’s family is adamant about holding talks only in December, then I suggest that you wait since it’s only two months away. Advise your son not to take any hasty decision till you meet the girl’s parents again. See how the talks go, if the family still has reservations, tell them that as you have given your consent and the youngsters are adamant about getting married, you will be unable to stop them. If the family still opposes the relationship, go ahead and give the couple your blessings because caste is really a petty issue and should not be a reason for objection.

Having problems with your marriage? Want to talk about it? Write to Grandma and take her advice. Letters must be addressed to: Grandma’s advice Lifestyle, 58,5th floor, H.M.Towers, Brigade Road, Bengaluru  or email it to grandma @deccanmail.com

Who were the FLO members spotted at Topper’s parlour, having a mini meet while getting their hair styled? Kokila, Ajita and few others.

What are industrialists doing to avoid politicians who are hounding them for funds? Changing their cell phone numbers because everyone is going through a financial crunch and these politicians are asking money, to the tune of few crores of rupees, to fund their rath yatras and political meets.

When the ‘no smoking’ ban is implemented from October 2, people are dreading that pubs will now reek of body odour and sweat.

Where is Venkatesh Roddam heading, after having resigned from Satyam?

Why is a microwave oven placed near the tandoor in Kakatiya’s Kebabas & Curries restaurant? A guest last week was horrified when he saw his paneer dish being heated in the microwave!

Anil saves Sonam’s reputation

Showing up at an appointed time was all Sonam had to do for a school friend who’s a budding painter and was showing her work off art at a gallery recently. Sonam had agreed way in advance to attend the event, which would garner much needed publicity needless to mention moral support for her close friend. But on the day of the event, her friend kept trying to reach Sonam but she remained untraceable. With the event hour nearing, Sonam’s friend was in a state of panic with no word from Sonam. She was about to give up and prepare an apology speech on Sonam’s behalf, when father Anil Kapoor showed up at the gallery.

Sonam had got a bad bout of flu and couldn’t even move out of her house that day, but had requested her father to attend the event and fill in for the celebrity quotient at the event.
And Anil was only too willing to fill in for his daughter and made her friend’s day by lavishing praise on her art and kept the media happy too with his wise cracks.  Far more charismatic than his daughter we say. He even sent Sonam's friend a bouquet of flowers for her show’s success. Nice touch dad!

Ranbir upset with Deepika
All hell broke loose for Deepika Padukone recently when she went out for dinner with her ex Nihar Pandya. With boyfriend Ranbir Kapoor not in town, and with not many friends in the city, Deepika decided to catch up with Nihar for dinner one evening and talk about their present day situations. Deepika always preferred to end things amicably with her exes.

Dinner went well, the aftermath was what she couldn’t digest. News spreads fast in tinsel town, and Ranbir got to know of his girlfriend’s meeting with her ex. He called Deepika from Ooty where he is shooting for Rajkumar Santoshi’s next and was livid with her. He made it clear that he didn’t mind her having dinners with Nihar, only if he didn’t have to hear about them from outsiders. Deepika was at her diplomatic best, trying to soothe Ranbir’s temper and eventually succeeded in assuring him that he would be kept in the loop next time around. Good thing Ranbir even agreed for a next time around.